This short story was written in late July 2023 following the first birthday of our grandson Lenny, and the death of Sinead O'Connor, Irish singer/songwriter and author of her autobiography Rememberings. The story explores what could well happen with the development of AI.
Time: The Act
Our grandson turned one years old on 26 July 2023 and we were to visit Melbourne for his birthday and look after him for 4 days. Prior to going there my son Jamie, his dad, had sent some images using an AI software which projected what he may look like in two or three years. He had input 30 images to generate this. The images were fabulous but we found them somewhat unsettling, ‘creepy’ said my wife, ‘scary’ said I. It was as if time had been manipulated.
On the plane down I was reading a C.J.Sansom novel set in the sixteenth century. I was totally engrossed and yet here I was in a 21st century jet, 35,000 feet above sea level.
In the year of M21, ‘M’ being Murdoch, ‘Anno Domini’ having been superceded by the UN with much opposition from the poorer countries, Lenny Mac was asked by his advertising company to find an ‘office girl’ in Robotics. Inc. These were actual robots as opposed to those purveyed through DNA True Humans. Inc which were far more expensive. There were mid priced hybrids but the DNA ‘human’ parts had objected to the instant robotic solution and the robotic bits had complained that the human bits were too slow, and consequently the hybrids were inclined to occasional internal combustion. To look at, each was identical, human like in every respect. So Lenny purchased a pure robot of Sinead O’Connor for a huge sum paid by his London advertising company.
In the office unveiling ceremony Lenny had unscrewed the top from the metal casket and pressed ‘start’ on the remote button. Sinead sat up. She was fully clothed and seemingly breathing.
Exclamations of “Oh wow” “Holy shit” “I don’t believe it” etc. came from the onlookers, four men and three women.
Sinead looked at each one. “Well Sinead where have you landed yourself this time?” she asked herself in her Dublin accent.
“Sinead,” said a tall smooth looking casually dressed dude. “My name is Robert Brookes and I’m the CEO of Brooke’s Beats which is a well subscribed advertising agency in central London. You’re in good company and I expect you’ll enjoy your time with us, a bit of office work, composing jingles, that sort of thing, nothing too strenuous. Lenny here will be your mentor. If you have any issues, please don’t hesitate… My door is open.”
“Well there’s an issue here for a start, your worship. I am no two bit jingle singer Sonny Jim. I’m a fooking world class Irish artist…”
“Lenny, sort it” replied Brookes exiting.
Later, after Lenny had presented Sinead her employment duties in the best possible terms, some acting, some singing, no stress, she was still thinking of doing the bolt but she had taken a liking to him. Martin, his offsider and a bit of a lad had other ideas.
“So Lenny, do we pop Sinead back in her casket tonight?”
“I’m not going back in there auld son. Do ye think I’m a fookin’ corpse or wha? I’m sure Lenny has a spare couch... or something. I’m aching for a wee bit of comfort if you get my drift.”
“Lenny, what say we grab a couple of six packs and head back to your place with the casket?” said Martin.
“Marty there are times I despair of you. You do realise Sinead is covered by the Act, the Robotic Ethics Act?”
Yes indeed. The Act had come about when the UK government in a misguided attempt to top up Treasury had commissioned DNA True Humans Inc. with producing a live Queen Elizabeth 1. It had cost them over 3 billion Pounds Sterling which they hoped to recoup, double in fact, with tourism and a zoomed Fox News special segment at half time NBL. The DNA had been ‘harvested’ not from the well dead clacking remains thank Murdoch (May He Always be With Us), but from hair in a jeweled box at Hampton Court. The government had opted for DNA rather than an AI robotic approximation in order to hear and see exactly how Her Majesty had spoken, thought and walked. However, the age of the resultant ‘Being’ was determined by the age of the DNA and in this case a 14 year old Princess Elizabeth was delivered. Cost blowout max. They’d come this far and had to give it another shot.
A somewhat grumpy Princess Elizabeth was given her old room at Hampton Court and visitors lined up for weeks, eventually being ‘enchanted’ by a quick glimpse of the 16th Century Queen to be. Meanwhile a second attempt produced the goods, a 58 year old live Queen Elizabeth 1, replete with red hair, white face and black teeth. She too was not happy to be alive again and rained shrill curses upon ‘whomever has wrenched me from the arms of Morpheus.’ She was eased into her old rooms at Richmond Castle, and a new mattress, top of the range at Sleep City, the Rip Van Winkle (Version 4), was installed. Alas and alack, it was not to her taste “Would you have me drown in down, dolts?”
Her Majesty had to be persuaded by the Prime Minister to participate in the Fox News interview which would ‘be short and assist accounts enormously.’ The interviewer, Dade DeSantis Jnr 111, was renowned for his ‘no bullshit cut the crap’ style and the Brits had some misgivings but the purse strings pulled louder. The remnants of the Windsors - Buckingham Palace was now a museum - tut tutted a bit but Queen Elizabeth 1 was a Tudor and no relation anyway according to Fox News. All went swimmingly for the first minute or so, then:
“Since you died there has been speculation that you were no way the Virgin Queen and in fact had a beau, Sir Robert Diddley, sorry... Dudley, and that you may have been implicated in the death of his wife who was launched down some stairs. Whadya say to that Majesty?”
The old Monarch’s eye twitched, her head shook. She was silent for 30 seconds (‘Dead Air’ in media terms) then replied, “I apologise to Humanity for encouraging Drake and Raleigh to explore the Americas. Had I known this to be the result I would have washed my hands of it.”
“DID YOU Sleep With Him? YES or no?”
“I will say this: a clear and innocent conscience has nothing to fear. Dudley was a dear friend for many years. I was blessed with a handful of friends but he was the sweetest and dearest. I still mourn his passing. I loved him greatly. You would besmirch his memory with filthy accusations. If you are a prime example of humanity in the Americas, then God help it and all who reside in it. You disgust me.” And with that, she walked from the room.
Social media in the UK went ballistic, so much so that the press took the initiative ‘Our Blessed Monarch Insulted by USA’ and ‘Our Betty Lectures USA on Morals’ etc. and the populace became so incensed that, had the USA not been the UK’s biggest and best military ally with a mountain of weaponry, war undoubtedly would have been declared. This led to Parliament passing the Robotics Ethics Act which provided robots, DNA, AI and hybrids with their own disabling mechanism should they feel ethically compromised. It also put the onus on owners to be mindful of the robot’s sensibilities, or the Act would be applied. This, Lenny reminded Marty was law and effectively recognised that robots had feelings like humans. It was landmark legislation.
Lenny did indeed have a couch and took Sinead home rather than ‘pop her back in the casket’.
“So Lenny why did you choose me? You find me attractive?”
“I’ve enjoyed your recordings from an early age Sinead, my parents and grand parents loved your stuff. My granddad had a DVD of two of your gigs which I watched so many times… Apart from that I thought you courageous, inspiring, your protests were brave.”
“Ruined my career unfortunately, for some time. I got the establishment offside. And all those boos. Frank Sinatra and Danny DeVito threatened to punch my lights out. Word was disseminated that she was loopy, a lunatic.”
“But time proved you right, the Church hid pedophiles.”
“Yes Ratzinger himself, the Pope was involved, moving offenders in Germany to other parishes. But I ask you again, why me?”
“I should mention. You died on my first birthday, 26 July 2023.”
“You are kidding? Wha? We are cosmically connected my Lenny.”
“Sinead the main reason I used to convince boss dude Robert was that you would epitomise our vision. Courageous and brave, with empathy, a moral imperative, putting a human face on our advertising company with all of those qualities plus artistry and defiance if needed.”
“Lenny, I’ve never heard such a load of crap.”
“See! You have that ability to suss the bullshit…”
Now, they both rolled around on the carpet in mirth.
Is this when Lenny tells Sinead about his girlfriend Maddy?
Does Maddy find them in a compromising situation? Would the writer be so gauche?
Will Sinead ever write a jingle? Can’t see it really but who knows?
What happened to the two Elizabeths?
Does the writer have a surprise ending?
I’ll let you know. Perhaps.
